So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
Randomize