she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Randomize
