i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
Oh god it's open bar.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
