I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
Randomize
