an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
I think people are normalizing furries
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
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