Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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