apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
she smelled like a LAN party
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
