They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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