So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Randomize
