After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
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