It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
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I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
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Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
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