I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
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