I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
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