I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
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