it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
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