You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
Randomize
