K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
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