I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
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