Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
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