He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Randomize
