I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
Randomize
