i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
Randomize
