Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
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