Kiss
Puke
he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Randomize
