My hand turned me down
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
Randomize
