2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
Randomize
