i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
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