Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
Randomize
