My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Randomize
