Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
