dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
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