Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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