How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
