so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
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