I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Randomize
