At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
