I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
Randomize
