There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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