I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
