i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
