i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
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