we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
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