Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
