hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
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