So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
