I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
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