my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
