I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize
