im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
I did not marry a roomba.
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