we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Randomize
