She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
I wish there were birth control emojis
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
