The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
Only a mothe r could love this liver
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
