Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
