Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
25 Children of Helicopter Parents Admit The Most Horrible Thing They Were Put Through
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
Proof That Kendall Jenner Is The Queen of Cannes
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere