We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
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She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
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I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.