my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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