how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
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It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
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I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
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