They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
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