did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize
