Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
Randomize
