i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
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