Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
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