atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
im having a threesome with these popsicles
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
