you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
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