I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
