he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
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